When I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder (during my first hospital stay), I truly believed that God had turned his back on me. I was like, “You know I am a good person. Why would this happen to me”? I was scared and felt alone. I was having such ups and downs; I was on such a roller coaster ride, and I did not like it at all.
During this time, I just abandoned God and did not believe in him at all. I felt like if he let this happen to me, He does not love me. So why bother believing in him? I really did not listen to anyone once I was diagnosed. I was given medication, counseling services, and coping skills, and I had help from my family and friends, but I did not want to accept it. Even more, I stopped praying and again felt LOST and AFRAID.
God Had a Plan for Me
One day, my belief in God returned, and it has become so STRONG. I was a Christian with bipolar disorder. So, how did this happen? It happened in little ways, then I had one big moment, and now I can scream from the top of my lungs that God is the great and the best therapist. I am a suicide attempt survivor, and looking back, I now realize that God was there with me, protecting me with his arms. He had a plan for me, and I did not realize what that plan was till a few years later. Even after surviving the attempt, my faith in God was up and down. It still was not the strongest even though deep down inside, I knew he was the best therapist and was always there to listen. The big moment then happened!The Big Moment
One day, I had a manic episode, and I had not slept for five days straight. I also had thoughts of suicide again and was so irritable that I realized I needed to get help again (Read: Suicide in the Bible). I checked myself back into the hospital, and this is where my life had a huge change! When I was in the psychiatric hospital, I talked with one of the staff members, and that staff member said, “How are things going?” I explained I had not changed much; I was still drinking and self-harming. The staff member said, “well, now you know you have been diagnosed with bipolar, you can keep going the way you have been and most likely end up back here. Or you can use your story and make something of it and share your journey with others, make those changes you need to.”The light bulb finally clicked, and I finally ACCEPTED my diagnosis.I do not care what people think; that was God speaking to me. The light bulb finally clicked, and I finally ACCEPTED my diagnosis. When I was released, I just did what the staff member said. I stopped drinking and self-harming. I used and continue to use my coping skills. And now, I go out and help others and share my story.
As a Christian with Bipolar Disorder, God is the Best Therapist I Will Ever Have.
Counseling is important to me, and I encourage everyone struggling with anything to seek counseling (Read: Should Christians Go to Therapy). I found someone, and she is the best. However to me, there is a therapist who is on call 24/7. Who is this counselor?? GOD! I have made many mistakes in my life, and he will not turn his back on me or judge me. I can scream, cry, and get angry with God, and I do not have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. One of the best parts of God being my therapist is he is there for me 24/7. I have woken up or been up at 3 AM and do not have anyone to talk to, and He is there to listen. I can talk to him and not disturb my family or friends. Thankfully, I can talk to God anywhere. I have talked to him in my car, store, shower, and many other places. No appointment is needed when talking to God; with counseling, sometimes you must wait weeks to get an appointment. Cost of talking to God is free, who does not love that!
God Offers Great Advice; The Key Is to LISTEN.
Now, some people may say, but with a therapist, you get advice, and you get answers, etc., By talking to God, you do as well. I have learned how to listen to him, and I also read scriptures where I find my answers. My biggest problem is being patient with God because the answers are not as immediate as with my therapist. God loves me unconditionally; there are many times when I have a hard time loving myself, but God will never stop loving me. I know God knows my life plans and has not left my side since I was born. I was the one who abandoned him and watched a scene in The Chosen where Peter was on the boat, and God came to them on the water during that storm; Peter cried out to God, and God said we would go through troubles, but he would always be there. It’s when we are in pain, God just seems farther away. God told Peter, “Keep your eyes on me” and now that is what i have been doing. It can be hard sometimes, but if I feel like I have taken my eyes off him, I return to it. I have noticed my life is better with God in it, and even with my attitude, I try to find happiness in life every day. Now, I will always go to counseling with my therapist, but I wanted to let people know that as a Christian with bipolar disorder, God is my best therapist!Isaiah 41:13-” For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you”
Help Is Available
If you or anyone you know is a Christian with bipolar disorder experiencing suicidal thoughts or any other mental health or substance use crisis in the US, please call 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, now called the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
For non-US-based readers, please find the suicide hotline in this directory.
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Tammy, thanks for courageously and bravely sharing your story here, and when more opportunities come your way.
I hope you can tell more of your story. My husband have bipolar disorder 1, We are separated for now because he does not trust me. He accuses me of things so on and so fort. I find these thing stressful and draining as this was our life since we’re married. I am also a Christian but sometimes or I think my faith is too low? My husband idk if he’s a Christian because when I wanted to go to church or during our disagreements he judges me about being a Christian but not acting like one because of my bad behavior. But who is he to judge? That’s why i mostly forget bout God because of him telling me things like that. I am not perfect but who is? May God bless you
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