Disassociation
Am I existing superficially, or am I actually absorbing the
atmosphere around me?
I know what “being present” means,
but at the same time, I don’t.
Everything seems to sit on the top layer of my skin, unable to
seep deeper into my pores,
unable to reach my conscious mind.
Living in Extremes
“Of course!” or “Never”.
Yes or no.
Amazing or terrible.
Cherish or abhor.
ALL OR NOTHING.
Grey is elusive,
But black and white lenses hide the truth.
Seek to see the shades in between.
The Void
Boy, does it crave
“normalcy”
Recovery Does Not Age Discriminate
“Nothing will get better for me.”
“I’m destined for bad things.”
“I’m broken.”
The change that yearns to transpire,
will not occur
if you don’t put in the effort or toil.
Objects in motion, stay in motion.
Objects at rest, stay at rest.
It’s never too late.
Progress
I no longer hesitate when someone compliments me.
I no longer contemplate the worth of my written words.
I no longer need to short-change myself:
The self saboteur that lingered,
no longer resides
in my mind.
A Love Letter to Myself
You are curious-
A soul yearning for more.
You are selfless-
A heart that continuously gives.
You are inspiring-
A mind full of wisdom.
You are ethereal-
A spirit that transcends this world.
You are Rubenesque-
A body exalted.
You, my darling,
Are divine.
Boundaries are Healthy
It’s easy to set boundaries with myself.
It’s easy to tell others how I’ve set boundaries with myself.
It’s easy to have boundaries in general.
Yet
Setting boundaries with those same people is not.
Somehow my “No” means I am unlikeable.
Somehow, pleading “I can’t right now” means I am selfish.
Somehow, saying “I need time for myself” means I am weak.
Constant anxiety
over any misstep
looms
over my bright, eager aura.
But,
to continue this tumultuous,
self preserving journey-
I must accept
that I do not owe apologies or explanation.
What is most beneficial to my wellbeing
is of utmost importance.
About the Poet
Bio: Ally Loyns is a Self-published Author x2, Musician, and Borderline Personality Disorder
advocate who has called Winnipeg, Manitoba home since birth. Through raw and real poetic
storytelling, she has a vision to embolden the healing journeys of people with Borderline
everywhere by sharing her lived experience. She self-published her first collection of poetry at
20 years of age in March of 2021 titled A Generation of Sunflowers. She impressively at 22
released a second collection titled Bloom, the sequel to her first collection. Her work speaks to
the intricate life she has lived and to widen perspectives around mental illness.
Ally fiercely advocates for those living with BPD and hopes, in time to create the BPD Society of
Manitoba, along with peer lead support groups. She believes that it's time to initiate the
conversation here in Manitoba around the stigma that clouds borderline. To her, nothing holds
more power than the solidarity of like-minded souls with one mutual goal: overcoming hardship
via self-compassion. She strives to break stigma around BPD one copy of ‘A Generation of
Sunflowers’ and ‘Bloom’ at a time.
Purchase her poetry collections: https://genofsunflowers.etsy.com
Follow @ally_author on Instagram
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