This Valentine’s season, you may think a lot about showing love to others or receiving love from those you care about, but have you ever considered February a great month to reflect on your ability to love yourself?! You are the only you there is, made uniquely by our creative God. Especially when we may be low, it can be hard to look at ourselves with compassion, grace, and acceptance. And yet, as Christians, we can lean into our Father’s love and experience even deeper self-love because we know that our heavenly Father first loved us (1 John 4:19).
A Myth about Loving Yourself
In recent years, the idea of loving yourself has exploded into an industry of self-care, beauty products, and new-age concepts. Naturally, this causes some Christians to pause, as we are instructed not to put our worth in beauty and to deny ourselves (1 Peter 3:3-4; Luke 9:23). How can we deny ourselves and place others as higher than ourselves if we spend too much time focusing on our own needs? It seems contradictory.
The trouble is, we often think in “black and white” ways—if I practice loving myself, then that means I do not love others at that point in time. Instead of thinking it’s one or the other, we can embrace an “and” posture: loving others AND showing love to myself. In fact, one of the key commandments is to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). If your life is spent only pouring out for others, you run the risk of running dry.
Loving Yourself Well Can Bring God Glory
We must let God Himself fill us back up to the brim with His endless, steadfast love. Our ability to love ourselves cannot be manufactured in a way that endures without an understanding of the acceptance we have in our Father. God Himself is Love, and Jesus has acted out the greatest example of sacrificial love on the cross this world will ever know. The deeper intimacy we have with the Father, the stronger our sense of self will be. Like the clay that we are in the Potter’s hand, when we know and love the person God has crafted us to be, the more we can follow the Spirit’s leading into the unique assignments He has for each of us (Isaiah 64:8, Ephesians 2:10). We shine His truth, His care for the suffering, and His joy when we are content in His arms.
Show Compassion: How to Love Yourself Well
Loving yourself is not taking a bubble bath every week with soft, classical music in the background. This may be part of a routine to allow yourself to slow down and rest, trusting that God desires you to cease striving, but the simple act itself is not the type of self-love we mean. We mean a deep acceptance of your worth so that you can live free, in the confidence of knowing you are loved. Here are three ways to strengthen your ability to love yourself in the next month.
Spend Time with Jesus
Jesus lived out of this confidence from the Father, knowing that He was “holy and dearly loved.” He returned to private time with the Lord to fill Himself back up amid His time of being human. Ask God to show you how loved you are. Ask Him to make the Gospel message as real as its ever been.
Show yourself unconditional positive regard
In psychology, there is a practice called “unconditional positive regard”—a practice that counselors often use to offer empathy, support, and acceptance to someone, regardless of what they say or do. Jesus is our ultimate counselor, and through Him, we have received grace upon grace (John 1:16) from the Lord—in Jesus, we are seen as clean. Even in the ways you may mess up or fall short in your eyes, the Lord is there cheering you on. Practice the same with yourself; the next time you make a mistake and feel like criticizing yourself, remember that God’s love is unconditional, and you can look upon yourself with love.
Speak encouraging words to yourself
If God is love and truth, then His voice is love and truth. Satan speaks the opposite and how often we let the enemy use our internal voice against us. God is life and the devil is death. When you speak truth to yourself from God’s word, you allow yourself to feel safe, connected, and loved—leading to a flourishing internal world. This will take practice too! Like a classic study in which a plant that heard positive talk towards it grew taller and stronger than one who shriveled under harsh words, so can you grow and thrive when you speak love to yourself?
As a child of God, you are worthy to receive love from the truest source—our Father above. Loving yourself well is an extension of the love He has for us. Live loved friends.
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