Finding Out I Was Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder

 

 

Once I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, my whole world in the beginning started to fall apart. I had attempted suicide when I was 24 years old. Wanting to die, I begged God to please take me. I was mad at God when I woke up the following day and realized the attempt did not work.

Dealing with bipolar has been a rollercoaster ride for sure. I have been hospitalized twice after that, once for a suicide watch and the second time for a severe mania episode. The first time I was in was when I had gotten the diagnosis, and I honestly did not accept the diagnosis at all. Whatever they told me went in one ear and then out the other. I did not follow any of their advice at all. Once I got out, I still kept doing what I was not supposed to do still kept drinking, skipping my meds, and self-harming. I was very mad at God, and I was like, why would he do this to me?

The second hospitalization was a lot different. I truly believe God sent an angel to talk to me for sure. One of the staff members came, sat beside me, and spoke to me. He told me I could take two roads with this- either keep doing what I was doing, and I would most likely be back, or take this diagnosis and change myself and use this to help others. I swear God had sent this man to me as an angel because something inside of me changed that day, and I started not to be so mad at God. I would say my faith began to grow that day.

Helping Others Through My Livied Experiences

 

 

After being released for about six days, I started doing what the doctors said. Taking my meds and attending therapy started to become a routine for me. I even stopped drinking. I felt like God was working inside of me! Later on, I attended my first National Alliance on Mental Illness group (NAMI). I did not speak at all at first. However, hearing other people’s stories and being able to relate made me want to share my story. It indeed was therapeutic, and when people began to ask me questions about my recovery, etc, it made me feel good.

Later on, I helped run a support group for several years for NAMI. It was so rewarding, and now, looking back, I see this is God’s work. I realize that sharing my story about bipolar disorder with other people does help them. I now know that God is working through me. When I speak to others at mental health events, I pray before I speak. I always ask God to give me the words; I know he does! It is smooth and effortless for me, and God is with me even when I write my blogs.

 

Trusting In God Through Everything

So, I am thankful that God kept me here. God knows our journey and knows where it will go. I believe God knew I was going to be diagnosed, and he knew I was going to use my journey and recovery to help others. I continue to tell my story to help fight the stigma of mental health and encourage others to get help and not be afraid to share their story. God has a purpose for all of us; we all have certain traits and skills, and God wants us to use them. I am grateful he allowed me to share my story through many platforms.

How do I know it is working? I will get many comments on my posts. After speaking to groups, people will approach me, thank me, and ask me questions about my journey and recovery. I will have people reach out to me in personal messages asking for advice from their loved ones, etc. Again, God’s work. I will repeat it: I am so grateful that God kept me here and allowed me to use my story to help others. With his grace and strength, I can stay in recovery and prosper in my journey. Please remember that it is “okay not to be okay.” God Bless!