Genesis 2:18: The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
From the beginning of time, God desired for his creations to have companions with whom to share the world. God knew that one man alone could not take care of the earth by himself and created each of us to have relationships with one another. The bonds we form, whether familial, platonic, romantic, or business, shape our well-being and give us a sense of belonging. However, in the intricate tapestry of human connection, we sometimes struggle to define a healthy relationship.
Most humans gravitate to people whom they respect, trust, and communicate well with. While others connect with people who they have fun with and who provide emotional support for them. And while all of this is great, we sometimes overlook other qualities that should be important when choosing who we build relationships with. Being in connection with people who share the same values and goals, people who mutually appreciate and care for each other, and people who understand boundaries are also vital attributes that should be considered when forming bonds with others. It is also crucial to understand that every relationship you build isn’t going to look the same but that there are key aspects that each of the relationships should offer.
The Interconnection Between Respect and Trust
A profound sense of mutual respect and trust lies at the heart of every healthy relationship. What respect looks like in a romantic relationship varies from what it looks like in a platonic relationship. Nevertheless, things like thinking about how something may impact a person before making a decision, being honest even if it’s difficult, and acknowledging opinions and boundaries are all signs of respect in any relationship. Respect also involves valuing the other person as an individual with their own beliefs, aspirations, and vulnerabilities.
For many people, respect isn’t something that is given away but rather earned. It’s so easy to have respect for someone full of integrity and who has great character because you feel like you can trust them. And just as respect is earned, trust is as well. Trusting someone is one of the hardest things to do because you never really know someone’s true intentions. Many people have experienced a lot of hurt, pain, betrayal, and letdown when putting their trust in others. It’s crazy to say, but some of us have even been deceived by family members and people we could never imagine hurting us. However, trust can be formed and rebuilt with consistency, reliability, loyalty, and honesty. When respect and trust entwine, they establish a firm foundation where all parties involved in the relationship feel secure in fully expressing themselves, their thoughts, and emotions.
No One Is Perfect At Communicating
When the word communication comes to mind, what do you think of it? For years, when I heard the word, I thought of things like how you approach a conversation or how your tone is when talking to someone. As time progressed, I began to understand that communication looks completely different for everyone because we were all raised uniquely.
As humans, how we learn to communicate comes from the different model figures we’ve had in our lives. From mom and dad to siblings, grandparents, extended family members, and teachers, we’ve all garnered some form of communication from them. Because of this, a lot of us think we are perfect when it comes to communicating. Nonetheless, it’s important to reflect and ask yourself these questions.
Who taught you how to express yourself responsibly?
How did you learn to connect with others?
Who taught you how to resolve conflict and healthy problem-solving strategies?
How did you learn tolerance and patience?
And who helped you understand what emotional bonding is?
Understanding Different Perspectives
If you were raised around people who were ineffective in teaching you the proper way to do these things, chances are you probably aren’t as good at communicating as you think. In any relationship, communication is key. We must understand that because we were taught things differently and by different people, we each have a specific language that we know to be effective. It’s so easy not to understand a person, and it can be hard to comprehend what someone is saying because it may sound foreign to you. This is why, when building healthy relationships, it is imperative to ask questions and learn. Learn about a person’s past and communication style and create a language that works for both of you. Actively listening, expressing feelings and thoughts respectfully, and seeking clarification on things that aren’t clear are all healthy ways of communicating.
Strong forms of communication involve non-verbal aspects as well. Speaking in a respectful tone and adjusting body language to show a person you’re engaged can help convey a positive nuance that sometimes words cannot. Communication can help understand a person’s needs and aid in emotionally and mentally connecting. Communication is a way of bonding in relationships and can help sustain all types of connections.
How Fun Can Make Being Emotionally Supportive Easier
Having fun, laughing, experiencing new things together, and playfulness bring light-heartedness to relationships. Whether through shared hobbies, adventures, or playfulness, incorporating fun and laughter nurtures a sense of levity, intimacy, and relaxation within the relationship. It also makes it easier for people in the relationship to feel comfortable being vulnerable with each other. In a healthy relationship, each person offers compassion, empathy, and encouragement in trying times, times of joy, and times of uncertainty.
Emotional support isn’t just about crying or sympathizing with someone, but it also includes being receptive to each other’s feelings, validating experiences, and listening without judging. Emotional support, however, isn’t just about the times of sorrow. It also entails celebrating achievements and milestones, offering words of encouragement, and showing genuine interest in each other’s separate lives. Incorporating these features into relationships fosters understanding and connection that essentially deepens the bond between individuals.
Common Ground Sparks Interest In A Healthy Relationship
Most relationships are formed based on things that people have in common with each other. Having connections with individuals whose values and goals align with yours creates a solid framework for a relationship to flourish. A common foundation of beliefs, values, and goals promotes unity and mutual growth. Shared values could embrace principles concerning honesty, affection, respect for diversity, and loyalty. Correspondingly, having compatible dreams and goals for the future allows individuals to support each other’s ambitions, visions, and endeavors. This creates a sense of cohesion and purpose within a relationship and helps individuals have a mutual appreciation and gratitude for each other and the connection. While individuals may bond over positivity, we also bond over negative things.
Trauma Bonding
Trauma bonding is very common, and a lot of times, we don’t even realize we are doing it. Specifically, trauma bonding can be defined as a deep attachment that develops from repeated physical or emotional abuse and occurs most commonly in intimate relationships. It is always nice to have someone relate to something you’ve traumatically experienced, and it feels even better that they know exactly how you may feel. It seems to make you feel closer to that person you’re bonding with because you’re connecting to them in a way that you can’t with anyone else.
Instead of healing, the two individuals re-live unhealthy situations and practice and project those unhealthy habits onto each other. This leads to destruction, and you’re left dealing with more pain and hurt. Seeking guidance from God can help you navigate what a healthy relationship looks like for yourself. Sharing these prayers and thoughts with others can create mutual appreciation and respect.
We All Want To Be Appreciated And Understood
Some people may not admit it, but we all love feeling appreciated. Expressing appreciation in relationships promotes a culture of positivity and warmth. Small acts of kindness followed by acknowledging each other’s efforts, strengths, and contributions cultivate a sense of value, affirmation, and connection. In a healthy relationship, people grow to love what makes them unique and enjoy celebrating the many qualities that help the relationship grow. Also in a healthy relationship, as it matures individuals begin to learn about boundaries.
Things like knowing what lines not to cross, when a person needs space, their certain preferences, and knowing a person’s limits are important to establishing healthy relationship habits. Some people need more space than others, while others may be more sensitive to certain conversations or topics than people you have other relationships with. In platonic relationships, it can be easier to not see or talk to them every day. Whereas in intimate relationships seeing them every day can be a priority. Respecting boundaries includes giving each other privacy and honoring the need for independence without encroaching or imposing undue expectations.
Starting The Journey Of Building Healthy Relationships
A healthy relationship embodies various things. Some of these things involve trust, respect, proper communication, fun, sharing values and goals, mutually appreciating one another, and understanding boundaries. Other things include being flexible and adaptable, knowing how to resolve conflict and come to a resolution, continuing to grow and develop, and always reflecting on how to be better in the relationship. Building and maintaining healthy relationships is new to and may come as a challenge to some while coming naturally to others.
Navigating relationships can be difficult as things change and challenges erupt. By incorporating these elements, you can form fulfilling, nurturing, and healthy connections that last a lifetime. Just as God would want us to do. Ephesians 4:2-3 says, “Be completely humble and gentle: be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace. John 15:12: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”
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