God Uses My Experience with Bipolar Disorder To Help Others Later

Tammy Ozolins — Mon, 16 Sep 2024 12:59:48 +0000

Finding Out I Was Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder

Once I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, my whole world in the beginning started to fall apart. I had attempted suicide when I was 24 years old. Wanting to die, I begged God to please take me. I was mad at God when I woke up the following day and realized the attempt did not work.

Dealing with bipolar has been a rollercoaster ride for sure. I have been hospitalized twice after that, once for a suicide watch and the second time for a severe mania episode. The first time I was in was when I had gotten the diagnosis, and I honestly did not accept the diagnosis at all. Whatever they told me went in one ear and then out the other. I did not follow any of their advice at all. Once I got out, I still kept doing what I was not supposed to do still kept drinking, skipping my meds, and self-harming. I was very mad at God, and I was like, why would he do this to me?

The second hospitalization was a lot different. I truly believe God sent an angel to talk to me for sure. One of the staff members came, sat beside me, and spoke to me. He told me I could take two roads with this- either keep doing what I was doing, and I would most likely be back, or take this diagnosis and change myself and use this to help others. I swear God had sent this man to me as an angel because something inside of me changed that day, and I started not to be so mad at God. I would say my faith began to grow that day.

Helping Others Through My Livied Experiences

After being released for about six days, I started doing what the doctors said. Taking my meds and attending therapy started to become a routine for me. I even stopped drinking. I felt like God was working inside of me! Later on, I attended my first National Alliance on Mental Illness group (NAMI). I did not speak at all at first. However, hearing other people’s stories and being able to relate made me want to share my story. It indeed was therapeutic, and when people began to ask me questions about my recovery, etc, it made me feel good.

Later on, I helped run a support group for several years for NAMI. It was so rewarding, and now, looking back, I see this is God’s work. I realize that sharing my story about bipolar disorder with other people does help them. I now know that God is working through me. When I speak to others at mental health events, I pray before I speak. I always ask God to give me the words; I know he does! It is smooth and effortless for me, and God is with me even when I write my blogs.

Trusting In God Through Everything

So, I am thankful that God kept me here. God knows our journey and knows where it will go. I believe God knew I was going to be diagnosed, and he knew I was going to use my journey and recovery to help others. I continue to tell my story to help fight the stigma of mental health and encourage others to get help and not be afraid to share their story. God has a purpose for all of us; we all have certain traits and skills, and God wants us to use them. I am grateful he allowed me to share my story through many platforms.

How do I know it is working? I will get many comments on my posts. After speaking to groups, people will approach me, thank me, and ask me questions about my journey and recovery. I will have people reach out to me in personal messages asking for advice from their loved ones, etc. Again, God’s work. I will repeat it: I am so grateful that God kept me here and allowed me to use my story to help others. With his grace and strength, I can stay in recovery and prosper in my journey. Please remember that it is “okay not to be okay.” God Bless!

The post God Uses My Experience with Bipolar Disorder To Help Others Later appeared first on CMHI.

My Experience as a Christian with Bipolar Disorder

Tammy Ozolins — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 18:02:10 +0000

When I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder (during my first hospital stay), I truly believed that God had turned his back on me. I was like, “You know I am a good person. Why would this happen to me”? I was scared and felt alone. I was having such ups and downs; I was on such a roller coaster ride, and I did not like it at all. During this time, I just abandoned God and did not believe in him at all. I felt like if he let this happen to me, He does not love me. So why bother believing in him? I really did not listen to anyone once I was diagnosed. I was given medication, counseling services, and coping skills, and I had help from my family and friends, but I did not want to accept it. Even more, I stopped praying and again felt LOST and AFRAID.

God Had a Plan for Me

One day, my belief in God returned, and it has become so STRONG. I was a Christian with bipolar disorder. So, how did this happen? It happened in little ways, then I had one big moment, and now I can scream from the top of my lungs that God is the great and the best therapist. I am a suicide attempt survivor, and looking back, I now realize that God was there with me, protecting me with his arms. He had a plan for me, and I did not realize what that plan was till a few years later. Even after surviving the attempt, my faith in God was up and down. It still was not the strongest even though deep down inside, I knew he was the best therapist and was always there to listen. The big moment then happened!

The Big Moment

One day, I had a manic episode, and I had not slept for five days straight. I also had thoughts of suicide again and was so irritable that I realized I needed to get help again (Read: Suicide in the Bible). I checked myself back into the hospital, and this is where my life had a huge change! When I was in the psychiatric hospital, I talked with one of the staff members, and that staff member said, “How are things going?” I explained I had not changed much; I was still drinking and self-harming. The staff member said, “well, now you know you have been diagnosed with bipolar, you can keep going the way you have been and most likely end up back here. Or you can use your story and make something of it and share your journey with others, make those changes you need to.”

The light bulb finally clicked, and I finally ACCEPTED my diagnosis.

I do not care what people think; that was God speaking to me. The light bulb finally clicked, and I finally ACCEPTED my diagnosis. When I was released, I just did what the staff member said. I stopped drinking and self-harming. I used and continue to use my coping skills. And now, I go out and help others and share my story.

As a Christian with Bipolar Disorder, God is the Best Therapist I Will Ever Have.

Counseling is important to me, and I encourage everyone struggling with anything to seek counseling (Read: Should Christians Go to Therapy). I found someone, and she is the best. However to me, there is a therapist who is on call 24/7. Who is this counselor?? GOD! I have made many mistakes in my life, and he will not turn his back on me or judge me. I can scream, cry, and get angry with God, and I do not have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. One of the best parts of God being my therapist is he is there for me 24/7. I have woken up or been up at 3 AM and do not have anyone to talk to, and He is there to listen. I can talk to him and not disturb my family or friends. Thankfully, I can talk to God anywhere. I have talked to him in my car, store, shower, and many other places. No appointment is needed when talking to God; with counseling, sometimes you must wait weeks to get an appointment. Cost of talking to God is free, who does not love that!

God Offers Great Advice; The Key Is to LISTEN.

Now, some people may say, but with a therapist, you get advice, and you get answers, etc., By talking to God, you do as well. I have learned how to listen to him, and I also read scriptures where I find my answers. My biggest problem is being patient with God because the answers are not as immediate as with my therapist. God loves me unconditionally; there are many times when I have a hard time loving myself, but God will never stop loving me. I know God knows my life plans and has not left my side since I was born. I was the one who abandoned him and watched a scene in The Chosen where Peter was on the boat, and God came to them on the water during that storm; Peter cried out to God, and God said we would go through troubles, but he would always be there. It’s when we are in pain, God just seems farther away. God told Peter, “Keep your eyes on me” and now that is what i have been doing. It can be hard sometimes, but if I feel like I have taken my eyes off him, I return to it. I have noticed my life is better with God in it, and even with my attitude, I try to find happiness in life every day. Now, I will always go to counseling with my therapist, but I wanted to let people know that as a Christian with bipolar disorder, God is my best therapist!

Isaiah 41:13-” For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you”

Help Is Available

If you or anyone you know is a Christian with bipolar disorder experiencing suicidal thoughts or any other mental health or substance use crisis in the US, please call 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, now called the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

For non-US-based readers, please find the suicide hotline in this directory.

Tammy Ozolins, Author at CMHI